It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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