call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We need to feng shui this bitch.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
