If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
