i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
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Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
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Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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