I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My vagina just clenched in fear
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
