hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize