You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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