We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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