I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
