it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
