Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
