yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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