...so i touched it.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
They took my balls.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
