I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
