Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
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Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
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I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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