i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
