Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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