literally had 100 drinks last night.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
