You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
