Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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