i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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