i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
