Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
