I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We left an ass print on the piano.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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