I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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