Me too!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
