I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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