kristin has been a bad kristin
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
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