i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
