we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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