R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
