No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
