Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
