we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
