So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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