we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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