So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
