some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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