So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
