Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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