I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
