At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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