Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
