Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
