that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
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