In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
