I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
