you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
