Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
