I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
