If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
