I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
