would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
