Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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