just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
