I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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