I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
