Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
