Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
