Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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