If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
