and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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