can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
you made out with another girl for some wings
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
