Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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